Chopped Liver

AKA, the best damn way to use cow parts.

I don't care if you don't like liver. You're wrong. You like liver, you just don't know it yet.

Okay, fine, liver isn't all that great, unless you're going to dress it up with other strong tasting stuff and make it resemble absolutely nothing liver-y at all.

Livery, you know, like limousines and stuff. I think I'm tired.

It starts off pretty gross. You have to get a pound of raw beef liver and handle it. Use a fork, for crying out loud. Touching raw liver with your hands is gross.

Broil it, for an undisclosed period of time until there's no more pink left. I kind of forgot about it and it got a bit brown, but it was fine. Remember, you're really not going to taste the liver very much, so a bit of crunchy bits is totally fine.

Then I chopped up SIX (yes SIX) onions and carmelized the crap out of them. You're supposed to do it with chicken fat, but for some reason I couldn't get my broth I'd made to bring any up and so I used about a stick of butter. According to my dad, this is the goyishe thing to do, but I wouldn't trust much of what he says. This is, after all, the same man who had me believe for years that my cat went to the old cat's home when he suddenly disappeared from the house.

I guess if you're not Jewish, this is where it gets weird. Pull some chicken skins off of whatever chicken you have and fry them up. This will render a good amount of fat and you're going to want that too.

Last thing you'll need are six (yes SIX) hardboiled eggs. Lucky for me, Passover and Easter kind of collided this year, so I had a few on hand that had cracked already.

So let's take inventory.
Liver
Onions
Chicken skins
Hardboiled eggs

You'll also want some salt and pepper. Oh, and Ritz crackers, if it's not Passover. Ritz crackers and chopped liver are like Boris and Natasha...bread and butter...Jews and Chinese food...you get the idea.

If you don't have a food grinder, well, then I guess you have a bunch of stuff to make chopped liver without an actual implement to make the chopped liver. I don't think a Cuisinart will cut it. I suppose you could bring all of this to the butcher and ask them to grind it all for you, but that's just weird. I suggest you get a food grinder, because you can make fun stuff, like sausage and...sausage.

Once you grind ALL of the ingredients, give it a good mix, taste it and add a bit of salt and pepper. Then taste it again. And again. And again. Soooooo good.

By the way, this does freeze pretty well but ends up a little bit wet, but no one will notice.